How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
