I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
