The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
