I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
