My Higher Power is John Stamos
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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