kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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