Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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