Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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