i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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