So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
