I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
