TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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