i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
