Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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