Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
