i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
