there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
