I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
