Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
