I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
