I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
