I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
