just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she told me i tasted like america
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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