This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
