the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
