So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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