my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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