i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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