oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
