Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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