All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
