How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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