I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
