Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
