So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
