He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Congratulations! We have a period
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