sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Be still, my beating vagina.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
