Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
