You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
