i would punch a child for taco bell
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
