my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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