And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
