yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
