Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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