if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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