Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
