Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
