Nicole vs. Life
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I wear drunk well.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
