omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
