you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
