I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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