They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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